Hilsteeze

Wishing I could be a little more selfless

2011-01-07T21:33:00.000-08:00

Every year that the Christmas season ends, I find myself wishing more and more that I could live more like my savior. I have a deep testimony that no matter what is happening in my life, who is in my life, and what I am doing, it is my Savior Jesus Christ that I owe my life to. Most days I am certain that I haven't given him enough of my day and time, but I am trying. I know that he lives. I am grateful for living examples and testimonies of this reality like the Madeira Spanish Ward. There are always more ways to show the Savior our love and gratitude.

They Gave Up Their Christmas

2011-01-07T21:32:00.000-08:00

A missed but cherished friend!

2010-10-10T16:28:00.001-07:00

So I know my last blog was also devoted toward a dear friend, but these are some of the people I am grateful for in my life. Obviously I am so grateful for family, and the wonderful influence they are... and don't worry, I will devote a blog to them soon enough. But I wanted to devote this blog to a friend who has help me a lot recently. So this one is for "scotty boy"!! I met Scotty towards the end of my senior year as we both found out that we had received the Ambassador scholarship from USU. Instantly, I connected with him, and felt like we would become very close friends. That proved to be true very quickly, before we came up to school, we hiked up to Stuart Falls in provo canyon, and although I knew nothing about him prior to that time, I knew that day that I had gained an incredible friend that I would need that coming year. We had so much fun Freshman year, and I discovered a sense of humor that I never knew I had, and laughter that I still cherish... making "sweet sweet rhymes", him teaching me a thing or two about soccer (and trust me, I am still a struggling student in this area), cutting his hair-- good thing his sister Alyse could fix it, taking care of the "kids" at UAE, and enjoying lots of good laughs ( not to mention being his mother in creative arts... lets just say sometimes he struggled to stay awake/come to class). I have mentioned him before because he gave me the nickname that is the namesake of this blog "Hilsteeeze" and it still sticks around the ambassador office... and every time I hear it, a part of me misses this kid a little. However, I am incredibly proud of him and honored that he is my friend- he is currently serving the lord in the Sierra Leone Freetown, Africa mission. And he is constantly teaching me new and important things about the gospel. As I read his e-mails, I am reminded of the blessings I enjoy within the gospel, and also the blessings of living where I do and having soooo many opportunities. He serves in EXTREMELY humble circumstances, in a land that has literally been torn apart in so many ways. As I hear about some of the people and circumstances he encounters I am humbled that I have been so blessed to live where I do. But even more than that, I am humbled by the faith of the people he serves. And you can tell by the picture, they are a beautiful people, inside and out. It has allowed me to recognize how desperately EVERY son or daughter on this earth needs the gospel of Jesus Christ, and especially the healing powers of the atonement. I know he won't see this, but I am certain he knows how much I love him and am sincerely grateful for his friendship!!! Thanks Scotty!

"A friend is a possession we earn, not a gift"

2010-08-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

How lucky I am to have earned such a wonderful friend!!

If there is one person these past few years that I have laughed with, cried with, cried from laughter with, it is my dear friend Heather Taylor "H Taylor"!

How I love this woman, and what she adds to my life! She is spirited, never settles for less than who she thinks she can be and runs full speed ahead to the woman knows she has the potential to be! But most importantly, she is always there... these past 2 years have had their ups and downs for both of us, but through it all, she has been my listening ear, and true friend!

There are certain people in our lives that I feel give us a little glimpse of what our associations will be like in heaven, and this is exactly what Heather has done for me. Thanks for the glimpse Heather, and for being you and ALWAYS allowing me to do the same! I love you H Taylor! You once asked where I get my courage from... I think a piece of it is from my associations with people like you!

Gratitude

2010-08-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting over my life these past few months, and especially my attitude. I have noticed that one thing has been lacking... Gratitude!

I am grateful for people, I love people, and I love learning about them and being with them

I am grateful for smiles- I love it when I come across happy smiles on people's faces and when I can watch and wonder "what makes them happy?"!

I am grateful for family. Even though I don't always act like it, i hope my family knows I love them and would do anything for them. How lucky that we have eternity!

I am grateful for nature. I would literally hug a tree, only because I think things like trees flowers, water, grass, etc. all testify of Heavenly Father's love for his children. I sometimes feel so small next to a mountain, and am humbled to think that I was

god's crowning creation.

I am grateful to be alive. I am human, and it is all to true that sometimes I think life stinks, but in god's great mercy, he allows me little moments or tender mercies that remind me "Life is oh so sweet!!". I have a lot to live for!

Loneliness... an easy friend to find

2010-07-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks and days in particular, I have felt one particular feeling a lot... lonely.

But as I reflect this feeling, it seems a little ridiculous for several reasons. I have all sorts of friends surrounding me, at work, at church, where I live... there are plenty of people to call friends. I have family only 30 minutes from me, and another hour drive or so, and I can find even more family. So why do I feel lonely?!!!!! So here I am trying to remedy this aillment because its the worst kind to have! Looking for others who may be lonely, trying to serve others which is usually a good remedy to loneliness. And what I have heard is the best remedy... work. yet still, I feel it, so why is it loneliness is my new best friend? I started reading some talks and came across this phrase, "Heavenly Father needs servants trained through experience to minister to the needs of his children". So here is the conclusion I have come to, maybe this experience isn't for me. In one of those ironies of life, when I feel the most in need of someone else, I am learning things to help someone else. So for now, I am learning a lesson I could not learn without experience, and for that I am grateful.

"In the very act of making up our minds to confront loneliness, half the battle is won. For if we seek the Lord through service, prayer, and righteousness, we will find that we are not alone" (see Rev. 3:20).

I love summer!

2010-06-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

I Love the summertime!

I have lucked out this summer this is how my week usually goes...

1.Go to work Monday morning and work with my four best friends, Kaylee, Scott, Felecia, and Angela where we plan Youth Conferences, quote tracy, dance dance and dance some more, and work a little in between... but they say if you love what you do, its not really work, thats how I feel.

2. Keep working until... WEDNESDAY NIGHT!

3. You know what Wednesday night means, COUNTRY SWING!!!

4. Keep working until 1:00 am Saturday morning

5. Sleep in Saturday- if I don't work- and end off Saturday hanging with my roomates- Jess, Heather, and Kirsten... seriously love these girls!

Ooooohhhhh yeah.... my life is good :)

Another one bites the dust!

2010-05-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

Another one down, semester that is, and its been a good one!

I am hoping and praying for my first 4.0 of my college career... but mostly just hoping my hard work has paid off. Truly, one of the busiest, most difficult semesters yet, but thats life right? it gets harder, but with that it ALWAYS gets better! I am excited for another summer with youth conferences, and just another summer in Logan! I love it here, there is nowhere else I would rather be. I have made some incredible friends this year, and had some wonderful roomates... it will be weird to go our separate ways. I hate goodbyes! but at the same, they always mean new beginnings! It reminds me of rain... and thats appropriate because of the rainy weather.

You dripped into my life like a wet drop of rain

slip' slop' drip' drop'

puddled memories, moments, and miracles

Refreshing

That's what I felt with you, near you, because of you

Heaven sent you, this I know.

I will never forget your water mark

Because you left it, just you.

I hope I returned the favor because rain never ends

It comes around, makes life new, fresh, and beautiful

I recall those rainy days

Sometimes sad that they happened, or that they couldn't last

But in the end, happy for the chance.

The chance to enjoy, understand, and listen

Just listen...

drip, drip, drip

There is nothing more peaceful than that.

“I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”- Robert Frost

2010-03-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

Last week was overwhelming to say the least. I have discovered life is full of choices... but nevermind 3 monumental choices at once. Without being too detailed, I was at a crossroads that had three forks in the road. One fork led to opportunity, one to a lifelong dream, and the third to the unknown and unfamiliar. All very enticing roads, all backed with support, but not one with support from the same person. To described my feelings, I felt like one of those stretchy sticky people that you buy in the $.25 machines (hopefully you know what I mean). Lately, I have been busy enough to preoccupy my thoughts and time with something besides these choices. Then one night, everything but my mind stopped running... and boy did it run. Every possibility came up, it was a synaptic firing battlefield. I was overwhelmed. So I did the only thing I know how to do at a time like this... I prayed. I poured out my heart in a final plea for help. No I did not get the answer I was expecting, and no the solution was not clear. But I now recognize this as a tender mercy, that the lord allowed my faith to be pushed a little further. My institute teacher, knowing through the spirit the exact words I needed described it this way in a story about his son:

" Dad, this is really really hard work. (in reference to his homework). I look back at his face, tears running down... and said, " I know son, but don't worry it gets harder!". Son, confused and bewildered, "what?". "It only gets harder son, but thats ok, because heavenly father gives you a greater ability to bear it"

So, Yes it was hard, but that's ok, because IT GETS HARDER! :) So what's the solution you ask?... My route was determined by the lord, this last Wednesday, I received a call to meet with my old Stake President... I thought to myself, that's a little weird, I am not exactly in that stake anymore. Then I was told that he is the Priesthood leader for the USU campus... which could mean one thing, institute. So, hears the "harder" part, I have been called as the LDSSA activities VP. A weight was lifted by knowing exactly what the lord has called me to do this coming year, while a different weight has been added by being called and set apart to do this work. No it won't be easy, and no I probably don't know what I am getting myself into, but I do know that I feel a great peace and responsibility, and for that, I am grateful. Grateful to be entrusted with this call, and grateful to know that my Father in Heaven loves his daughter and it constantly mindful of me... little, college student, me!

A Tour Guide Epiphany!

2010-02-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

Most of You know that I give tours of USU campus to prospective students on a weekly basis. I used to honestly dread giving a tour, but the more I give them, the more I love Utah State and LOVE sharing it with other people. I gave a tour this weekend to my friends younger sister and some of her friends... it was a little less formal than most tours I give, but as I took them through a somewhat dead campus, I had an epiphany or two (or three or four)!! Sometimes, I say there is nowhere else I would rather be right now than at USU, doing exactly what I am, but this time, I felt it! As we walked through old main, I could touch every memory that I have had within those walls. I could hear every word that was spoken there... some of a crazy archaeology professor and his misanthrope comments, others of greetings to friends, laughter from being a youth counselor, and frustration of Youth conference leaders with their youth being locked out of their dorms! I then took them through the ESLC, the building I frequent every Tuesday for Ambassador meetings. While there I sense my progression from my first meeting as an Ambassador... wondering, "what in the heck am I doing here, these people are leaps and bounds better than I am!"... to now, where I still greet feelings of inadequacy, but they are muffled by my sense of belonging and home among some of my best friends! We then traveled on through the quad, stopping for a quick snowball fight, and I remember rockwalls, frisbees, volleyballs, and golf carts, carboard, "squeez-its", ceran wrap, and lazy sunday summer afternoons. It is a tribute to the fact the most joy is uncovered in the simple moments of life. These for grass (often snow covered) squares speak to that fact. We walk a little further to find my sanctuary, the place where I sometimes feel heaven touches earth. Its nothing spectacular, but to me, it embodies beauty... trees, that have grown and strechted heavenward, longer than I have been alive, meet over the cobblestones in an arch like greeting, ready to lock me up in their "london-bridges" chant. I could stand there for hours, smelling pine needles, watching raindrops gather in the cracks, gathering perfect snowflakes on a winter coat, breathing in a fresh breeze that carries with it the essence of tulips, roses, and soil. But these senses pail in comparison to capturing my own snapshot of people, minds that are expanding and learning about the world in ways similar yet incomprehensibly different than my own. It is those moments, that I often readjust my lense sometimes speeding up my shutter speed to let in only a little light... but more often slowing it down to a more heaven-like view... full of light and hope in my brothers and sisters that pass by. I often hesitate to understand why I am in such a beautiful place, and how it is I got here, but I rember thats not the point. The point is that I am. I am content. I am happy. I am learning. I am loved. I am known. I am worth knowing. I am a student. I am a friend. I am a roomate. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am implicitly divine.

So this is the new year...

2010-01-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

Hey there! long time no blog... but seriously, a WHOLE semester of school has passed. oh goodness lots of things, lots and lots of things... to say that is! I will keep it short and sweet, Fall semester 2009 was incredible in every way. Seriously, I don't think I have been this happy in a long time. But I think thats how life goes, it just gets better and better! I met so many people, learned so many things, had so many ups and downs and just experienced LIFE!!! OH IT IS WONDERFUL!!! I kid you not, I wake up some mornings, most mornings, at Utah State and I just feel like singing ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH! I am about to go back for the spring semester, which will also bring its excitement! I have my practicum for SPED which I am stoked about, and I just am exciting for change, its good! Then, on to summer, which consists of (hopefully) EFY counselor, and mission papers! what and exciting time of life... truly! I really just don't know what to say anymore, so how about my feelings right now?! I am very much realizing how human I am, and how everyday is really a struggle to overcome the natural man, but that is the beauty of this life and the gospel... it all comes step by step! I have a lot to work on, and I know this, but I am enjoying every minute of the learning process. So ONWARD AND UPWARD! the gospel is the truest thing there is and ever will be, I love Utah State, families are forever, and knowledge is power!

I love the story of Peter Pan!

2009-07-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

" No experience in our adult lives can compare to those of a child to whom the world is bright, and new, and full of wonder."- James Barrie ( author of Peter Pan)

A blog is like a hobby...when you start it, its exciting, fun, and new but then you forget, and then you remember again... and now I am behind!

2009-07-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

so, when i started my blog oh... 5 months ago, I was so excited and had every intention of writing on it all the time... but I forgot! so here goes round 2! I am currently working on campus doing youth conferences and a couple of the girls I work with have blogs, and keep saying you should post your blog page, but I thought to myself, "self, you should post your page, but you should probably update it first." So that is what I am doing, a lot has happened since February, but I will just let you know about "current events". Like I mentioned, I am a youth conference facilitator, and loving it, the group we have this week has been especially fun and exciting, I have some great youth conference stories but I will talk about that in another post :)! I am just waiting for fall to start, and I miss my old roomies... a lot! but I am loving my current ones in our ghetto house that has secret passageways! all of this is boring... I shall now tell a story.

on a blustery night ( last night) i went to first dam to set off some flower fireworks in the water. i remember doing this in the past and thinking it was AMAZING... but for some reason my memory failed me and it was not as exciting as I anticipated. Not all was lost! I stood there in frustration that the firework wouldn't light, when what should I hear?... a HISSING GOOSE! it was creepy, and what was said goose hissing at?... A RAT! I had and odd euphoric moment, where I felt like I was in the movie Charlotte's Web watching that dirty rat, Templton ( what and ironic name since there is nothing "temple" like about him) scrounge around for food and eggs. Oh that rat! then one of my friends tried to convince me it was a small otter because it didn't have a pointy nose... No no... it had the tail of a rat, and therefore was a rat! he wandered back and forth and the hissing continued, I think he just wanted to agrivate the geese because I don't think they even had eggs around! anywho... it was an exciting night. The excitement continued, I was all ready for bed when I came out of the bathroom into my room and heard in a very audible and husky voice "hello?..." I turned to my roomate Heather and said, " Heather, there is a man in our house!" i was curious and a little scared, but mostly i wanted one of Heather's delicious homemade oreos, so i grabbed my chacos to take downstairs so it at least appeared like I had a purpose. I ventured down, seeing no one, then slowly turned to my front door and what should I find... not one man, but TWO! sitting on my couch staring at the wall... Thomas, and Porter. what a night.

Namesake!

2009-02-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

what the hilsteeze?... I feel like most people look for a fun nickname, something brilliantly creative, or something sentimental when they name their blog... I feel in naming my dear sweet blog, I have accomplished all three. Here is the story:
Hilsteeze is my deemed nickname ever since I came to Utah State, my dear friend Scott Laneri gave me the name. I am an ambassador with him, and I don't quite remember the date of birth for the "steeze" but I enjoy it and it has stuck. Not only is it catchy, but it has made for great conversation. For example Hilsteeze has evolved into Hil's tees ( similar ring to it) which will be the name of my line of tee-shirts that I aspire to create someday... speaking of aspirations, here are mine ( as my roomate Jess might say "my hopes, dreams, and desires):

1. learn, learn, and learn some more- I am in the process of finding a major and loving it!
2. Make at least one person's day a little brighter everyday ( cheesy but I'm fur reals!)
3. become a mom- a good one!
4. Be sealed to the man of my dreams... after my mission of course!
5. become fluent in a different language ( I need to get started on this one)
6. decorate a home
7. Hone my creative talents into something.
8. to sum it up: LIVE EVERYDAY BETTER THAN YESTERDAY!

so here I am, a new-comer to the cyber world of blogging! woo, its great. I have read lots of blogs and enjoy them, but really what brought me here... to your computer screen... was my roomate Jill. She was looking at all the different background options for here blog and mostly I just want to accesorize a computer screen, so here we are!